I’m typically very hit-or-miss on the American Scholar Quarterly. It’s maddening that it occasionally carries some of the most thoughtful, articulate work published today and just as often carries immature, wrong-headed tripe.
So it’s always a pleasure when it offers something that leaves me unsure which camp it falls into. The most recent edition has an essay, I guess certain literary types would refer to it as “creative nonfiction”, entitled “Letter from Stuttgart” by Olufemi Terry. (Alas, not available online at the moment.) It’s apparently autobiographical, which makes the third-person narration a bit annoying, but it’s a charming sketch of an aging Europe seen through the eyes of a serial expatriate.
I have some disagreements with Terry’s characterization of Europe (he refers to it erroneously as “the cultural monolith Africa is made out to be”) but his observations on Stuttgart and on being immersed in a new city are fascinating. He masterfully evokes the sense of lostness that comes with alighting in a new place, knowing you’ll be there for some time. It’s the sort of feeling that leads China Mieville (possibly quoting Algernon Blackwood) to refer to complete, existential bewilderment as being “bewildered in the way a man is when he’s looking for a post box in a foreign city.” (Cf.)
I remember the first day I moved to Norwich. I deposited my bags in my tiny room, made a weak effort at unpacking, and then struck out to explore, feeling too restless to do anything but move about, but too jetlagged to really make much of my surroundings.
I ended up standing on a hill in a lightly-trafficked part of the campus, staring out over dead trees and damp brick rowhouses as the gloomy skies got dark. And all I could think was “is this why I’m here?” I had entirely forgotten every purpose I’d had for moving abroad. It was a helpless feeling, but not altogether a sad one. I think that one of the differences between people who make good travelers and expatriates and those who make poor ones is that good expats feel that drifted, purposeless feeling without any trace of existential horror. We accept it and know that, in time, we’ll remember or discover our own purposes for having upped stakes and moved to a new country.
That’s the sense I get from Terry’s “Letter from Stuttgart”. It’s the story of someone moving once again and discovering only after the fact some of the things that brought him there. He discovers that the new culture he finds himself in has its own purposes and problems. And towards the end, I think he begins to identify with them. To take on at least some aspect of his new culture. Not, as he asserts at one point, to lose any part of himself, but to discover the rhyme and reason behind the culture and its people.
I think this is most in evidence at the end of the letter. He closes by reflecting again on European culture with a more informed eye. Having seen the passion with which people defended the things the mattered to them, and having talked to people who understood the culture as only natives can, he finally understands that “not for nothing … is Europe an old civilization.”
This discovery of the purpose of places, of the causes for which people of a certain culture strives, is part of the reason why I’m so interested in living abroad. All cultures, like all people, have a story that they’re shaped by. They have an implicit map of the universe and a notion about why societies (or at least theirs in particular) exist. And one can’t really understand that story or that world view from the outside. One has to be a part of it. And until one understands the story that, e.g. Norwich or Stuttgart tells about itself and its place in the world, then you can never understand the culture that has grown in that place.
But once you understand the stories and the worldview and the culture of a people, a strange thing starts to happen. You begin to be able to see the world the way they do. And everything takes on a new aspect. Knowing about British Reserve is entirely different from experiencing it first hand. And once you know a people that simply cannot be beaten or bombed into submission, then you start to understand a lot of the contours of British culture. And once you understand British culture, you begin to see the British World like an overlay on top of the one you already knew.
That is, I think, why people of the expatriate bent decide to move to strange new homes. To understand the world in a different way. Not just to see different parts of their own world, but to see an entirely different world altogether.